Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
