His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
