grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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