i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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