i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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