So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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