I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
