The maid of honor just puked.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
