Buhtt sex?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
