apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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