I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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