They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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