Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
