it was like his penis was on wheels.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
