she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
