a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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