Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
