when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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