So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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