Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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