Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have post one night stand depression
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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