Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
