I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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