fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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