im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize