I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize