her vagine was all disorganized.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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