If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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