Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
