do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
