. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His nipple licking is glorious
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