I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
