Yo dont text me then not text me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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