Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
