Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
