Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
