I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
