I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
