Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
