the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
