you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
