so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need a beard to bite.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
