dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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