you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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