I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
