she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
