highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
