if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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