we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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