i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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