Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
