She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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