Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
