I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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