I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
