I just saw a hot homeless man
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
