you would pick up someone in the library
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want to make out with him forever
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
