Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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