Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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