i would punch a child for taco bell
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
