i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
