im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
