she looked like the before picture.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize