I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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