Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
