Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
