My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
