i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
