They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
