I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
