I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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