This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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