Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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