This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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