hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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