Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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