for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize