she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
