so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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