Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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