So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
