Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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